Monday, April 21, 2008

Veggies

Paul McArtney has come out and said the solution to the crisis of global warming is to go veggie. Myself and the wife do our bit for the environment - we try not to use plastic bags, drink mineral water or use the two-seater too often, we use trains over planes where possible, we use long-lasting lightbulbs, we have compost heap in the garden (I think this is generally considered good) and we recycle - indeed, we have an argument every week as to which bin needs to be put out.

That isn't to say I believe the climate change gospel. I think that it is almost certainly overstated. If Paul McArtney thinks I would even consider giving up meat to combat climate change he is as deranged as his ex-wife (that is hop-a-long).

There is an eternal debate to be had about quality of life and quantity of life. Would life be worth living if we could not cut open a rare steak, tuck into a Witchery steak tartare, enjoy bone marrow and parsley salad or have pork chops and mash potato? What would Sunday be like without a gleaming roasted beef on the table or a beautiful bit of roasted lamb or fall-apart garlicky lemon chicken? How would we look forward to breakfast if we knew we would never again have the combination of bacon, sausages and black pudding ever again? How would South Africans drink their beer without biltong? What would Christmas dinner be like without Turkey or, better still goose?

We would never taste Highland Venison, rabbit, smoked salmon or enjoy rose veal. We would never be able to catch and eat a Rainbow Trout. Mutton and Haggis would be a thing of the past. Barbecues would be but fond memories. No more brisket. No more cheek. No more liver and onions. No more crispy duck. No more Scotch Pies at the football. No more Lamb saag.

What would be the point of being alive? So, in short, McArtney get fucked.

RS

8 comments:

Semaj Mahgih said...

How's your carbon footprint in your lovemaking, RS or is that a personal question? At least it was a personal question before data sharing.

Harry Hook said...

If Hookie went veggie, I can assure you that he would singlehandedly blow another hole in the ozone layer, with his prolific farting.

g.g. goodbye gordon said...

And of course if you're a veggie you never have an unsuccessful marriage and a costly divorce!
Wotatwot!

Anonymous said...

wot harry hook said.
Veggies fart more, all those beans.
Beanz meanz methane !

Anonymous said...

Vegetables aren't my food. Vegetables are what my food eats.

The carnivore.

Political Umpire said...

It isn't just that; wine is usually made involving animal products - skins are used in a product through which it is filtered, I am given to understand. McC. and anyone who tells me to give that up can f** right off.

The fact is that if one looks into the detail of our impact on the planet we're doomed whatever. Or at least as assuredly doomed as everyone thought we were in the 1970s in respect of oil and food - which, we were told, would run out by 2000. The only thing that will save us will be human adaptability, namely technology, not going back to living in the forest and wearing hemp.

Besides, as you point out, life would be so dull as not to be worth living in any event. But don't back our chances. I give it ten years before the Vegetarian (animal rights) Charter Act is introduced in the UK to comply with the Council Directive (EC) on the Equivocation of Animal Rights with Human Rights. Except we'll be called Administrative Zone 17c by that stage ...

Antipholus Papps said...

At least you'll still be able to listen to Mull Of Kintyre!

Jones said...

No need to go Veggie. Global warming has been postponed.

Bloody hell, why can't McCartney just retire gracefully? He hasn't put out a decent song for decades (I don't include 'Mull of Kintyre' amongst his good stuff either).